Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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