She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
