i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
