This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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