You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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