she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize