i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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