Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Man, jail baloney is awful.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize