I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I am midnight drunk by noon
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Success! We fucked roommates!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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