I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
