Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
