I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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