i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
