Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
