Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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