that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
