Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I smell stomach acid.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
