I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
