she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
