You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
