"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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