I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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