Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
