in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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