there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
