The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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