WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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