You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
