it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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