Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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