She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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