I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
