There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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