CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
