i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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