I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
