I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
