Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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