its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My ass is underappreciated
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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