Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
