You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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