dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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