It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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