I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
