Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
