Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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