I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
