You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
