i permit you to call me
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You ate ashes out of my bong
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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