she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
