Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
